Abandon

Abandon means: give up completely (a course of action, a practice, or a way of thinking). God is continually teaching me how 2 abandon myself & stuff 2 allow Him 2 receive maximum glory. When this process started a couple yrs ago, my head began 2 spin. First He calls me out of a complete comfort zone; allows me 2 live n an RV 4 almost a yr; taught me how 2 live on a very small budget; learn from scratch 2 start a church; trust Him w/2 boy's school tuition; a house waiting 2 sell for over 2 and half yrs; how not 2 shop (completely fast); serve n Africa away from my family 4 almost a mth; conti trust Him 4 a mind change; deepen my marriage; challenge my parenting 2 another level; stretch & deepen my faith; etc....trust me I could go on & on, but I will stop. As the process of abandonment has taken over, God has taught me WHO He is. I told Him as a teenager, I would do anything He wanted/asked. Here I am, about 20yrs later, & I could have never n a million yrs dreamed up this story! Lol. Boomboom. It's a crazy beautiful unending roller coaster of God showing Himself & revealing The Gospel. I have failed Him so much, but yet His grace has been absolutely PERFECT. Knowing who I am, I'm afraid w/o the Holy Spirit, I would never have experienced this awesome abandonment. Giving up is NOT a bad thing. In fact, the more I give up, the more God can work & the more I get 2 know Him. All I try 2 hold on to is so tangible. As we recently had a huge yard sale & sold our home n Dunn, I once again realized, the stuff has got 2 go! Simple keeps my mind focused on Him & helps me stay n the state of abandonment. Of course, I still have stuff (material blessings) & enjoy all the favor He has given me, but it's just different 2 me. I honestly can't put it n 2 words. Even teaching our boys this abandonment has been a indescribable process. Crazy 2 think of the responsibility at hand. People's lives will end n heaven or hell. May I b abandoned 2 my flesh so I'm not blinded by His calling 2 the people He created. May we so live n community that other's see, feel, touch, & experience only JESUS Himself. His death & life has made this journey of mine seem like a piece of cake. Please, Lord, keep my flesh abandoned that any kind of mindset that's NOT of You stays far away from this ol sinful girl. May Your grace abound as my flesh abandons itself. I'm n awe that almost every way n my journey has NOT been what I expected. In fact, You have shown me time & time again, Your ways r higher, more beautiful, & perfect. Set my gaze on You. I can't not mention, the growth & help of my love, my husband, Joey. His love 4 Jesus, his character & integrity through the yrs I have known him, have proven stronger than ever these last couple yrs. God's hand is on him & for that I praise that GRACE...that's all it is is grace. So many situations have occurred & decisions have had 2 b made that I would never want responsibility. I thank God 4 the wisdom He has given Joey. He has made mistakes, but he is so careful & loving, patient, & wise. I'm speechless at what I'm blessed 2 live w/everyday. He has helped me understand faith, trust, & abandonment. Thank you, Jesus, 4 all the tears; all the sweat; all the laughs; all the joys; all the lives YOU r restoring. How just how did I obtain such favor? Grace. Simply grace.